Maybe as I reach my 18 month TTC a third child (and that is just THIS round) I am a little bitter. I'm scarred. I'm torn. I'm angry.. no, I'm pissed. And I'm hurt... I've also had a reality check.
I am a member on a WONDERFUL mommy board. It has all stages of mommydom: waiting to conceive, trying to conceive, pregnancies, babies, tweens & teens, and all the way to grandparents.
I started out there as a guide in Waiting to Conceive (WTTC). I met some WONDERFUL ladies. I witnessed some "oops" pregnancies. I drooled over some adorable babies!
I began TTC and moved on as a guide in Trying to Conceive. I met even more wonderful ladies, watched the women I met in WTTC begin their TTC journey and move on to due date clubs (DDCs) and on to baby playgroups. MORE BABIES TO DROOL OVER!!!
I have been a guide in TTC for almost a year. There are no more "old faces"... except me. Many women who found they had fertility issues moved on to a new board: Fertility Problems, Treatments, and Long Term Trying to Conceive (LTTTC). I visited back & forth because I do have fertility problems (one tube, long term ttc) but I loved the eagerness and hope of the new faces. I still do!! I love being able to share my charting knowledge etc with them.
Today I moved on.
I am now the "unofficial" guide of LTTTC. Only unofficial because the mods haven't had a chance to get my name switched over yet. I know these women well. We all come from the same place... longing for a baby and medical intervention is the only way that it is going to happen. I'm sad but... not resigned. I'm.. ready.
It's a new phase. Rather than being frustrated alone with well meaning wishes, I'll be frustrated with other frustrated women who "get it". Maybe this will be easier on me now?
At any rate.. I'm sick on infertility. But I am not standing silent anymore. It happens. It's real. It is a medical issue and it doesn't make me a freakshow.
Yes, I have children.
Yes, I am 33.
YES, I WANT ONE MORE!!
Yes, I am battling infertility to get pregnant again.
And if you don't like that??? Well YOU need the reality check.. not me.
6 comments:
*hug* I love you doll, and I don't know why its not just 4 words either!
I love you Anne. This made me tear up, reading it. I sort of feel like I abandoned the only "old face" I new in TTC :( I could not hang around there any more, but I am so glad you will be joining as my new guide in LTTTC! You will have another child one day. I know you will. And I'm usually right on my intuitions :)
I know the day will come that I'll be "woo Hooing" at my screen because you'll announce your long awaited BFP...Hugs!
I'm cheering you on! LTTTC couldn't have a better, more positive and upbeat person than you, AM. ♥
Im so glad you are a guide over in LTTTC now... and there's a big BFP wave going on im praying you get to jump on it! <3
Good Luck... LTTTC...
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